Today is the day that I begin my journey abroad, and I am feeling a lot of ways. Exited? Check. Terrified? Absolutely. Like I’m going to throw up? Every other minute.
But there’s also a persistent undercurrent of sadness in leaving the people (and pets) that I love. Many times in my life, I’ve dreamed of picking up and starting anew to escape something. But here’s the thing; things are great, I’m feeling accomplished in my work, and I’ve cultivated a community of friends who make my life full and enriching. To step away from the known and the good in my life feels like a gamble, and my heart aches when I realize today will be the last time I hold my cat and dog for a very long time.
But in leaving, I’m trusting the part of me that feels wonder, that feels purpose, that is ready to explore the world (and myself!) and become different. In “The Sheltering Sky”, Paul Bowles writes of a character,
“Whenever he was en route from one place to another, he was able to look at his life with a little more objectivity than usual. It was often on trips that he thought more clearly, and made the decisions he could not reach when he was stationary”.
I’m looking for new views, but also new eyes. I think moving thousands of miles away might be a good start.
So, with a few tears in my eyes, and a lot of hope in my heart, I embark on a journey through the world, and through myself.